Zoop
America's Largest Killer of Time!™
Developer: Hookstone Productions, Panelcomp
Platforms: Genesis/Mega Drive, SNES, PC, Mac, Game Boy, Game Gear, Jaguar, Playstation, AND Saturn
First Release Date: June 1, 1995
Zoop, the puzzle phenomenon that never was. It's a unique but pretty barebones game. A friend described it to me as "that one really boring looking game", and it's true! It’s very much reaching for the same appeal as Tetris, and Tetris had plenty of success with a very simple, abstract theme, and all of the ads focused on the addictiveness of Zoop. I've come away from it feeling that it's a genuinely fun game, it just doesn't quite reach what it wants to be. You play as the little cursor in the center, surrounded by columns of shapes in four colors. You can send your arrow flying forward, and it’ll destroy shapes of the same color. It goes until it hits a different colored shape, and then that shape and your cursor trade colors.
If this sounds abstract it's because it is- the only game I can think of that uses similar mechanics is Plotting from 1989. It may just be my reaction time limit, but getting to level 10 was a genuine struggle. Alarms start blaring if a block is next to you, and if it moves onto you the game ends. I wish there was a little more rhyme and reason to the order pieces moved- you never know how much of a grace period you'll get. If you’re going for a high score, clearing a full row of shapes of the same color will give you a sizable bonus. It's very satisfying, but there’s not much you can do to guarantee it. You can strategically swap colors, but that only works for the block in the front of a column. The blocks spawning at the back seem to have a high chance of being the same color, but it seems mostly out of your hands if you’ll get lucky or not.
There are two modes, both fairly similar in practice: Type A is a no frills endless mode, but once you run out of pieces you're left waiting for them to come back. Type B is also endless, but split into levels that clear after you reach a quota. Depending on your difficulty setting, the board can start completely full each round- very difficult, but it alleviates the waiting around issue. But once the quota raises enough, you'll be waiting again. Being able to manually make more blocks appear would have been very appreciated… Oh, and there are items too, rare powerups that help you clear more pieces, as well as springs that clear the entire screen when five are collected. I’m unsure if it's random or not when they appear, but its something else that feels largely out of your control.
Connie’s Commercialism: There was a lot of faith placed in Zoop as a brand. In addition to being so extensively multi-platform, Zoop's marketing campaign went all out in the classic '90s framing of “this game WILL ruin your life”! The television ads are either limp masturbation jokes or unpleasant throwing up in a padded cell because it'll drive you CRAZY! jokes. But on the other hand, I really enjoy the magazine ads.
This feels more like it. The back of the box states it has "Ninety-nine levels of intense non-stop action", which... well, maybe technically! Realistically you’ll only get up to about level 9, and the backgrounds stop changing at that point. The box also describes the color-changing backgrounds as "Breakthrough Opti-Challenge backgrounds". I guess they do somewhat resemble optical illusions...? They really had to stretch for those back of the box points, I get it. And at least the final background is a lovely sky. I can't stay mad at you Zoop, you rascal!
Zoop was available on pretty much every contemporary platform- and between those versions, there's some notable differences. Between all versions, the length of the columns change drastically to fit screen size. The slightly later Playstation and Saturn versions have different visuals and a completely different soundtrack, compared to the jazzy soundtrack the others share. The handheld Zoops have smaller, patterned rectangular pieces- on Game Boy, the patterns are all you have to go on. It's still perfectly functional though. This version is also the only one with multiplayer- sadly, I haven’t had luck with emulating the link cable multiplayer. I was able to do that with Tetris, but it hasn’t worked for me for Zoop. So as interested as I am in what the multiplayer is like, I won’t know just yet. The instruction manual gives a bit of insight, at least. Hopefully I’ll be able to update this section before too long.
Part of me is mourning the Zoop that never was. Other puzzle game styles have been iterated and interpreted in so many ways, but nothing else is quite like Zoop. Don’t take that as “every game needs sequels forever”, but there aren’t even any Zoop-likes out there… I really do think there’s something here. When you're in the groove with it, the game feels fantastic- there's so many little things that could be touched up to make a simple premise sing just that little bit more. More importantly, imagine the Zoop story modes that could be. You could be playing Zoop while looking at a set of 90s anime characters based on, let's say… card suits, or the steps of the water cycle. I don't know. Sorry Zoop. You punched so far above your weight. You've only successfully driven one person to madness.
Thank you for reading!
